I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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