but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
