Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
