Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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