I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
