i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
