I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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