Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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