I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
