When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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