I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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