I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I have feelings that need drinking.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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