i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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