You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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