I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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