i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
