we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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