a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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