Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
