THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
