My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
