he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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