OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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