no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
