So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it penis luge time yet?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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