The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
