are you still at the devil's house?
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
