hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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