I wish I could punch you in the face.
she was so not down for the gang bang
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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