Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
