New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
