Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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