The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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