Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
