I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
