I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
