I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
