Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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