Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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