I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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