Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
