If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So vagazzling was a success
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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