trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
