i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Someone came in the potted fern
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
