She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
