I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
