Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
