What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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