things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
