I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
