U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
