Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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