hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
