i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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