i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
