WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
