he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
